HomeHumorJan. 6 Panel Finds Over 200 Congresspeople Hooked Up Believing They Have...

Jan. 6 Panel Finds Over 200 Congresspeople Hooked Up Believing They Have been About To Die


Image for article titled Jan. 6 Panel Finds Over 200 Congresspeople Hooked Up Believing They Were About To Die

WASHINGTON—As proof continues to emerge relating to the actions of U.S. lawmakers throughout the 2021 assault on the Capitol, the Home Jan. 6 committee unveiled Friday new findings that affirm greater than 200 members of Congress connected throughout the riot as a result of they believed they have been about to die. “With rioters occupying the Capitol and hellbent on violence, senators and representatives feared for his or her lives, and we now know that scores of them spent the riot searching for consolation in one another’s arms and experiencing intercourse one final time,” mentioned committee chair Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-MS), who recounted his personal panic-fueled intercourse with a congresswoman he declined to call within the workplace the place they have been each hiding, after which confirmed a video of Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) sprinting by the Capitol in an effort to seek out one final sexual accomplice earlier than the rioters killed all of them. “Testimony from these current throughout the assault, corroborated in some circumstances by photographic and video proof, reveals that dozens of determined lawmakers determined to consummate long-held infatuations with members of the other social gathering, whereas others merely went at it with whichever congressperson was closest at hand. A few of the extra conclusive proof of this collective transfer into dread-fueled sexual promiscuity consists of Sen. Joni Ernst (R-IA) shouting ‘If that is actually the tip, then fuck it, do what you need’; Rep. Tom O’Halleran (D-AZ) main a gaggle of representatives on a hunt for condoms; and Home Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) shaking Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) to come up with himself earlier than main him into her workplace. The dimensions of the worry is clear in the truth that few of them took social gathering, age, and even gender into consideration, so determined have been these members of Congress to expertise one final second of erotic bliss earlier than the slaughter.” The committee then confirmed a beforehand unaired video of screaming all through the halls of Congress slowly turning into lustful moans and sustained cries of enjoyment.

RELATED ARTICLES

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Recent Comments