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We leased a Ford Fiesta in 2013. The get together by no means stopped (however generally it stalled)

The opposite day, I acquired an electronic mail with the next topic line: Necessary Security Recall Relating to Your Automobile from Santa Monica Ford Lincoln. A lesser man may’ve panicked. A extra cynical man may’ve thought he was being scammed. However I knew higher. This electronic mail was despatched to me for 2 causes:

  1. 9 years in the past, we signed a three-year lease on a Ford Fiesta.

  2. Ford manages their electronic mail lists about in addition to they make vehicles.

However generally an errant belch from a mismanaged knowledge mine is usually a godsend. Living proof: I didn’t know what I used to be going to jot down about this week, however now I do.

Again in 2013, Christina and I wanted a brand new automotive ASAP. We had tied the knot two years earlier, and my mother and father had given Christina their used 2003 Lexus. That automotive noticed us by some robust moments: my damaged ankle, a failed start-up, and the Mayan Apocalypse. However then sooner or later, some dipshit slammed into Christina’s Lexus, totaling the automobile. A couple of days after our insurance coverage firm reduce us a examine, we started looking for a brand new automotive.

“What sort of automotive ought to we get?” Christina requested.

“No clue. I don’t know jack about vehicles.”

“What’s your dream automotive?”

“We will’t afford my dream automotive.”

“Simply play alongside,” Christina mentioned. “Inform me your dream automotive, and possibly that’ll assist encourage our search.”

“OK, my dream automotive is a Toyota Corolla.”

“You already drive a Toyota Corolla, honey.”

“Yeah, however you didn’t let me end. My dream automotive is a Toyota Corolla with a driver who makes a six-figure wage, with well being, dental, pension, and 6 weeks paid trip.”

“You’re proper, we positively can’t afford that.”

Ultimately, for causes I don’t keep in mind, we ended up on the North Hollywood Ford dealership, which by the way, is the place desires go to die.

Our salesman was new. He regarded like he was twelve occurring 13. I believe we had been his first prospects ever. Talking of firsts, this was our first main monetary choice as a married couple. We had been no match for this novice automotive salesman.

We informed the salesperson we had been on a price range. He confirmed us a silver Ford Fiesta. Christina was capable of pair her cellphone to the stereo on the primary attempt (one thing of a expertise coup in these days). We took it for a check drive and all the pieces went advantageous. Again on the dealership, the rookie salesman performed his ace card.

“Examine this out,” he mentioned as he flipped a swap on the dashboard.

Immediately, the Ford Fiesta’s inside lights started to alter colours: blue, purple, inexperienced.

“Occasion mode,” the salesperson mentioned.

We instantly agreed to signal a three-year lease. Six hours later, we completed the paperwork for a silver Ford Fiesta, named it The Silver Bullet Band, and drove dwelling.

A couple of month into the lease, we seen one thing odd about The Silver Bullet Band. Though our Ford Fiesta had an computerized transmission, issues would go kerflooey at low speeds.

“It looks like a handbook transmission being pushed by somebody who doesn’t know tips on how to drive stick,” Christina mentioned.

We determined to swap vehicles for a couple of days. Christina drove my Corolla, The Midnight Rider, and I drove The Silver Bullet Band.

“Yeah, that transmission is fucked six methods from Sunday,” I mentioned. “It jogs my memory of once I realized to drive stick. The automotive would shake till I managed to get it into gear, however I at all times had bother moving into gear as a result of the shaking made me giggle, and my driving teacher would yell at me about how I wanted to be severe.”

“That each one tracks, particularly the picture of younger Michael laughing whereas he mashes the gears on a handbook transmission.”

Since The Silver Bullet Band was an computerized, and due to this fact resistant to the bumping & grinding related to poorly-operated handbook transmissions, we determined to take it again to the dealership so their mechanics might have a look.

“Nothing incorrect with the transmission per se,” the mechanic informed me.

“Per se?”

The mechanic regarded round to ensure no person was eavesdropping.

“Fact?” he requested.


“The geniuses at Ford,” he started, “and also you perceive once I use the phrase genius, I’m being sarcastic as a result of we’re actually speaking about idiots… properly, the idiots who designed this transmission tried to do the unimaginable.”

“The unimaginable?”

“Yeah, they tried to marry the effectivity of a handbook transmission with the consumer expertise of an computerized. There’s a pc chip that really does the shifting.”

“And there’s one thing incorrect with the chip?”

“No, the chip works completely.”

“Then why does it shake so badly in low gear?”

“As a result of this entire concept is canine shit.”

“You’re saying it’s a design flaw?”

The mechanic regarded round once more to ensure we had been alone.

“I didn’t say something. But when I had been you, I’d get a distinct automotive.”

Sadly, that wasn’t an choice. I took The Silver Bullet Band dwelling, defined the state of affairs to Christina, and for the subsequent yr, at any time when we drove our Ford Fiesta, we made imagine we had been scholar drivers struggling to grasp a handbook transmission.

Then sooner or later, Ford despatched us a letter explaining that there was a recall on our Fiesta’s transmission. The mechanic had been proper in regards to the design flaw, though that’s not how Ford’s attorneys put it within the letter. Regardless, Ford invited us to schedule an appointment to interchange the transmission freed from cost. So, I dropped The Silver Bullet Band off at North Hollywood Ford. Per week later, I got here again to choose it up.

“Did they lastly dump that silly concept for a transmission?” I requested the mechanic.

“Nope. It’s the identical design, however this time they swear it really works.”

Then the mechanic laughed, which was the alternative of comforting.

The brand new transmission didn’t enhance something. So, I referred to as Ford company and gave them a bit of my thoughts. Naturally, Ford gave my grievance their full consideration, which is to say, a vp of customer support uttered some boilerplate phrases of sympathy, defined that nothing could possibly be accomplished, after which assured me that I used to be a “valued buyer.”

A couple of months after my expertise with Ford company, I went again to the dealership and demanded that they repair the transmission. To my shock, they agreed! However to my chagrin, the second alternative transmission suffered from the identical design flaw.

“Are we simply purported to drive this piece of shit automotive endlessly?” Christina requested.

At first, I didn’t know what to say. However Christina’s phrasing—piece of shit automotive—jogged my memory of the underrated Adam Sandler music, Ode to My Automobile.

“So, what’s the plan right here?” Christina requested. “Are we simply going to drive round in a shaking Ford Fiesta that may’t get into gear, listening to Adam Sandler sing about his piece of shit automotive?”

Whereas that didn’t seem to be an answer within the basic sense of the phrase, the Sandler plan did seem to be a good method to cope. And that’s what we did. We coped till the lease got here to an finish. And on that day of freedom, I drove that shaking piece of shit Ford Fiesta again to the dealership in North Hollywood.

“Is there something we will do to place you in a brand new automotive?” a salesman requested.

“Yeah,” I mentioned. “You possibly can promote me a Toyota.”

In fact, this three-year lease wasn’t all enjoyable and video games. There have been occasions when our piece of shit automotive actually acquired beneath our pores and skin. In actual fact, driving round in a shaking shit bucket, as I generally referred to The Silver Bullet Band, sometimes triggered some bickering. After one argument, Christina recommended we do a submit mortem on our automotive search and the choice to lease a Ford Fiesta.

“Put up mortem, who died?”

“It’s only a phrase we use after we do an evaluation after a mission, or a product launch,” Christina mentioned. “I do them on a regular basis.”

“You imply, like, we speak about what went proper, what went incorrect, after which we attempt to be taught from our errors?”

“You bought it.”

So, we talked about our ill-fated automotive search. Christina walked us by a timeline of our search, from studying on-line opinions to displaying up on the Ford dealership in North Hollywood. As a lot as attainable, we tried to stay to info with out inserting our emotions into the evaluation. It took about an hour.

We realized that we might’ve accomplished extra analysis into the Ford Fiesta. However in fact, you’ll be able to at all times do extra analysis. We additionally realized that we make higher choices after we don’t really feel like we’re beneath the gun to unravel a traumatic downside like transportation. However in fact, minimizing stress isn’t at all times attainable, even when doing so contributes to raised decision-making. The true studying, nonetheless, was that we each made the very same mistake on the automotive dealership.

“I didn’t actually query the salesperson as a result of I assumed you needed the Fiesta, and I didn’t wish to upset your plans,” I mentioned. “You’re the individual I respect most in the case of making choices. I figured when you had been on board, don’t be an fool and rock the boat. Is that bizarre?”

“Identical factor with me! I respect your judgment greater than anybody else on the planet, Michael. I assumed you had been all in on the Fiesta, so I didn’t say something.”

“Wait a minute. Did we lease a bit of shit Ford Fiesta as a result of neither certainly one of us needed to seem like a dumbass in entrance of the individual we love?”

“I believe so,” Christina mentioned.



“So, what will we do with this data?”

“Effectively, what we acquired right here is failure to speak.”

Whether or not she knew it or not, Christina was quoting the dirtbag-poet Axl Rose, who had sampled these very phrases from a speech in Cool Hand Luke for the opening of the Weapons & Roses basic Civil Conflict. However I didn’t level that out as a result of I didn’t wish to interrupt Christina’s move.

“The factor we didn’t do,” Christina continued, “was have a pre-meeting?”

“A pre-meeting?”

“It’s a gathering between you and me earlier than we speak to a third-party. The concept is we use that point to get on the identical web page about what we wish. Plus, we will recreation out negotiation methods, set expectations, articulate dealbreakers, and even pre-plan a superb cop / dangerous cop routine.”

“Wow. This appears manner higher than our earlier half-assed strategy.”

“Completely. The pre-meeting is a full-ass strategy.”

We determined then and there that each massive choice—a brand new automotive, shopping for a house, investments, and so on.—would require a pre-meeting. In actual fact, we’ve been doing pre-meetings ever because the Ford Fiesta Fiasco. Each time pals ask us for relationship recommendation, we stress the worth of the pre-meeting.

“If a pair isn’t hashtag aligned,” Christina likes to say, “they’re hashtag fucked.”

I like listening to from readers such as you as a result of it makes writing State of affairs Regular a lot enjoyable! In case you loved this story, please let me know by leaving a remark under. Or, when you’re the kind of one who likes a immediate, think about the next questions:

  1. The Ford Fiesta was the worst automotive I’ve ever owned or leased. What was the worst automotive you ever owned or leased?

  2. The names of our earlier vehicles had been music references: Midnight Rider and The Silver Bullet Band. Our present vehicles are Shuttle Tydirium (Star Wars) and Darkish Helmet (Spaceballs). Do you identify your automobiles? If that’s the case, please share these names!

  3. I wasn’t kidding about my dream automotive. It stays a Toyota Corolla with a driver who makes a six-figure wage, with well being, dental, pension, and 6 weeks paid trip. What’s your dream automotive?

  4. In case you’re fortunate sufficient to stay with out a automotive, how do you get round? Please share all the pieces you’ll be able to about your car-free paradise!

  5. Pre-meetings have helped us work by some troublesome choices with minimal stress. What’s your finest piece of relationship recommendation?

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